he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
