WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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