Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
