So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize