you win again, gameday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
