I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
