Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
