Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
