My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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