i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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