On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
