drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
