get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
