marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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