So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
