Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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