remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize