sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
