I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
