The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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