we're blogging at a bar
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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