if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
