you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
