I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
