Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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