I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
