Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
