My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This house was built for laser tag.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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