it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
