Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
