Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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