Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He shit in the fireplace
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