3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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