After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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