It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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