It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
