Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
