I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
