Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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