Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You took a bar mat shot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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