I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
