she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am one with the molecules
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
