I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
