After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
