Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She bit a glass in half.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
