Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize