for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
