i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
