We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
