i think my tv is drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
