i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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