Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
