It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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