I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
