Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
