3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize