Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
