but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
