My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
