I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
