Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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