and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
