JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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