you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
