I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
