Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
