WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
