i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize