So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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