I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
