atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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