she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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