i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
