The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
