STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
