I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
