A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
