So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
