Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
