In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
