i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
