have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
