I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
