he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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