would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize