Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
