i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
