Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize