I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
