I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
