i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
