Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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