you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
