I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
