I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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