the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
