Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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