is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there is glitter all over my balls
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