I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
